I’ve written previously about some of the history of my blog. In a nutshell, I started this mess in 2015, and it has changed over the years as I have changed. I would say evolved, but that may be a stretch on both accounts.
At any rate, I keep thinking I should do more with my writing. I’ll get really motivated to start a big project, get all of my materials together…and then get distracted. I (literally) have four notebooks at my desk with random notes and ideas about things I want to write or projects I want to work on. I know I need to start one and stick with it. I just haven’t.
If you’re still reading, you may (or may not) be wondering what any of this has to do with me changing the name of my blog…again. Be patient. I’m getting there.
Turning 40 was hard for me. I’d heard stories about men going a little goofy after 40, but, of course, I never thought it would happen to me. It did.
I’m generally a fairly confident guy, hopefully not to the extent of being conceited, but confident. Once I turned 40, all of that confidence was basically gone…for the next 3-4 years. I questioned everything about my very existence at some point. Just when I thought it was over, the doubts would start creeping back in. I dealt with this very quietly. I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my issues. It did get so that I was going to go see a therapist to talk things through, but then it stopped just as suddenly as it began.
That said, if you’re reading this, and you need help, get help. Here’s a link.
Almost 6 years later, I’m back to my old(er) more confident (but hopefully not conceited) self. Most of the self doubt is gone. If it’s even possible, going through that made me more introspective. And that led indirectly to the name change.
One of the projects that I’ve been working on for a few years now is a memoir, but not in the traditional sense. I read and wrote about John Green’s book, The Anthropocene Reviewed. In it, Green reviews various aspects of his life that, on their own seem a little random, and in so doing created a thematic (as opposed to chronological) memoir. I really liked that format.
The other book that I read at about the same time was J. D. Vance’s Hillbilly Elegy. While I don’t like the guy’s politics, having grown up in a small town, I could identify with much of what he wrote about the good, the bad, and the ugly of his youth.
Combining those two ideas with my own reflections from when I turned a little loopy after 40, I realized I have a lot to say. I don’t have everything figured out. I’m a work in progress that will never be done. But even the most boring aspects of my life may resonate with someone, somewhere, and that’s all I could hope for. My original idea was to put it all in book form, arranged thematically, and tell about the things I’ve learned over the first (hopefully) half of my life.
Then one big doubt worked its way into my head. Who would read it? I’m a middle aged nobody.
So I made lemonade, and that became my working title: Reflections of a Middle Aged Nobody.
I’ll probably never actually write a book, but I’m going to try out some of the stories here over the course of the next several weeks (months?) just for the fun of it.
If nothing else, I have a fun new name (and logo) for my blog!
Reflections Of A Middle Aged Nobody 