Bad Habits

Growing up, my mom would constantly get upset with me because I wouldn’t use a napkin to wipe my hands while we were eating. Instead, I would just wipe my hands on my pants or whatever article of clothing was most convenient. I really didn’t understand what the problem was. My pants arguably worked better than most napkins, and they were eventually going to get washed anyway. As long as I didn’t leave a stain, I didn’t see what all of the fuss was about.

That mostly changed as I got older. Okay…that’s a lie…nothing has changed except that I’ve just learned to be more discreet. I have established rules for my hand wiping over the course of forty-four years, and those rules must be followed.

The insides of pants pockets (preferably empty) work really well as napkins.

Tops of socks (preferably dark) work well too.

Now if it’s something that might stain (like BBQ sauce), I make a point to grab a napkin.

Some foods don’t warrant a napkin or anything else to wipe them off because I would not want to waste any of it. Peanut butter would be a great example. I’ll just lick the PB off then go wash my hands.

I always (mostly) wash my hands before and after I eat anyway because…germs. (I probably should have listed that one first.)

I’m sure there are more rules that I can’t remember right now. I’m still a work in progress.

Not everyone (especially my wife) thinks that wiping my hands on my clothes is all that great…especially since our daughter does it too. She takes after me in many things besides this (poor child). Her problem here is that I’ve neglected to teach her all of the rules, especially about being more discreet when she’s wiping. She gets caught every time. The other night she tried to wipe spaghetti sauce on her leg. I even called her out on that one.

I’m seriously struggling as a father. 🙂

…satire is a wrapping of exaggeration around a core of reality.

Barbara Tuchman, A Distant Mirror: The Calamitous 14th Century